i think that "J" curves explain quite a bit of things about life, both the personal and the political. note that it is not my remotest intention to go against the established rhetorical products of earlier feminist movements and differentiate between the political and personal, but as most academic applications or exposition about "J" curves tend to circle around the political (think Iam Bremmer from COLUMBIA!), i thought i needed to mention the personal lest i risk this opening paragraph losing its relevance to it being found on a blog of a 19-yr old kid. before i fall into the pits of digression even further, allow me to shift the focus back on my "J curve" narrative.
i am relating the "J curve" effect to my blogging habits. there were times, episodic nonetheless, when i felt that to blog was mentally soothing. when you get things/thoughts down in words, as the EDB HR personnel Grace says, you tidy them up and we benefit from that exercise. and yes i've personally felt that sometimes. that was the left side of the J curve, when i was thumbs up for blogging. than came the sag, in the middle of the J, which is mostly represented by the hiatus you witness in this space. much like the preceeding weeks from now, when the physical fatigue from army forces me to prioritize my activities. doing, rather than reflecting on the deeds through blogging, was ranked foremost; so every weekend is packed, to the brim if possible, of meet ups and coffees. no alcohol, with the exception of last friday when the platoon had our BBQ at zhong's.
but, as the contours of the alphabet dictate, there is the upswing on the right side. which i believe, is now. i mean, after all, i am right now blogging about my blogging.
random, insignificant musing aside, i am officially a PRIVATE now. please, gimme some well-deserved privacy :D hahaha PTE CHEO! and soon, i'll be a trainee once again. the routine ahead scares me but that fear, like most fears in this little red dot, is silenced by obedience, compliance, and above all, a woeful lack of options. but yes, on that last note i have to qualify: sometimes, having options is not exactly enviable... the last one month of soul-searching, most times profound but other times, superficial, has been triggered by the existence of options. two very distinct paths leading toward a fairly different material destiny. (but for the bystanders - and i sure think i have every right to assert that i understand how bystanders in this context feel - i know that not having options is clearly more unenviable.)
i am sorry if you are losing my narrative above, i shall make it explicit at this point: i was referring to scholarships. the cooler ones amongst you would have known the (BIG) choice i have had to make in the past month, and alas, after much conflicting voices and inclinations, i sent the withdrawal email to EDB on thursday night. so after all the ebbing and flowing of my mental river, my eventual choice concurred with my original passions. that sounds like a wholesome and right choice to make. only time will tell, and i do hope God watches over me through it all :)
POP on 10th June 2009 was certainly enjoyable. not just because it means the block leave for us ertswhile recruits, but also because i felt a fraction of military pride when marching across my loved ones - 3 aunties, and 3 very good friends. that sort of pride, which, when in excess, is a very dangerous thing and makes you shout vulgarities with no qualms and abuse your rank. i am, of course, referring to commanders in the army who are clearly, and pathetically, trapped in their make-believe world that the military equates to all there is in singaporean society, or worse still, in the world. 24km route march was quite tough but i thought the sensation of completing it was good. the bath, on the other hand, was not so good. but it was POP day so heck!
i am having a bad throat now and so i need to rest much, and soon. as such, i shall leave you guys now and fill you with a loaded quote from possibly the one and only person who has the balls to make such big, bold and beautiful statements to his colonial master ("colonial" takes new forms in the modern world, whats yours?):
"Do not worry about Singapore. My colleagues and I are sane, rational people even in our moments of anguish. We weigh all possible consequences before we make any move on the political chessboard.... Our people have the will to fight and the stuff that makes for survival."
i am relating the "J curve" effect to my blogging habits. there were times, episodic nonetheless, when i felt that to blog was mentally soothing. when you get things/thoughts down in words, as the EDB HR personnel Grace says, you tidy them up and we benefit from that exercise. and yes i've personally felt that sometimes. that was the left side of the J curve, when i was thumbs up for blogging. than came the sag, in the middle of the J, which is mostly represented by the hiatus you witness in this space. much like the preceeding weeks from now, when the physical fatigue from army forces me to prioritize my activities. doing, rather than reflecting on the deeds through blogging, was ranked foremost; so every weekend is packed, to the brim if possible, of meet ups and coffees. no alcohol, with the exception of last friday when the platoon had our BBQ at zhong's.
but, as the contours of the alphabet dictate, there is the upswing on the right side. which i believe, is now. i mean, after all, i am right now blogging about my blogging.
random, insignificant musing aside, i am officially a PRIVATE now. please, gimme some well-deserved privacy :D hahaha PTE CHEO! and soon, i'll be a trainee once again. the routine ahead scares me but that fear, like most fears in this little red dot, is silenced by obedience, compliance, and above all, a woeful lack of options. but yes, on that last note i have to qualify: sometimes, having options is not exactly enviable... the last one month of soul-searching, most times profound but other times, superficial, has been triggered by the existence of options. two very distinct paths leading toward a fairly different material destiny. (but for the bystanders - and i sure think i have every right to assert that i understand how bystanders in this context feel - i know that not having options is clearly more unenviable.)
i am sorry if you are losing my narrative above, i shall make it explicit at this point: i was referring to scholarships. the cooler ones amongst you would have known the (BIG) choice i have had to make in the past month, and alas, after much conflicting voices and inclinations, i sent the withdrawal email to EDB on thursday night. so after all the ebbing and flowing of my mental river, my eventual choice concurred with my original passions. that sounds like a wholesome and right choice to make. only time will tell, and i do hope God watches over me through it all :)
POP on 10th June 2009 was certainly enjoyable. not just because it means the block leave for us ertswhile recruits, but also because i felt a fraction of military pride when marching across my loved ones - 3 aunties, and 3 very good friends. that sort of pride, which, when in excess, is a very dangerous thing and makes you shout vulgarities with no qualms and abuse your rank. i am, of course, referring to commanders in the army who are clearly, and pathetically, trapped in their make-believe world that the military equates to all there is in singaporean society, or worse still, in the world. 24km route march was quite tough but i thought the sensation of completing it was good. the bath, on the other hand, was not so good. but it was POP day so heck!
i am having a bad throat now and so i need to rest much, and soon. as such, i shall leave you guys now and fill you with a loaded quote from possibly the one and only person who has the balls to make such big, bold and beautiful statements to his colonial master ("colonial" takes new forms in the modern world, whats yours?):
"Do not worry about Singapore. My colleagues and I are sane, rational people even in our moments of anguish. We weigh all possible consequences before we make any move on the political chessboard.... Our people have the will to fight and the stuff that makes for survival."
-- Lee Kuan Yew, in reply to then British PM Harold Wilson's letter which expressed concern over the former's physical condition
0 comments:
Post a Comment