hi. it has been a while since i last logged my thoughts and random musings about life and the world. but since then, quite a few developments of material consequence have transpired, and like the A-levels, they cut both ways for me. but yes, if there's any worthy lesson to be gleaned from this whole pubescent point in our young lives, it is that we're all better off being appreciative of little blessings. it is hard to hold fast to such a view, when the blessings seem to come in ever smaller and leaner packages. and it is such sentiments which necessitate someone to shout Have A Sense Of Perspective (more easily referred to as HASOP) into our faces.
my trip to china, or more specifically tianjin and beijing, was patched with several unhappy display of my teenage angst and childish disposition. at least thats my diagnosis now in retrospect. i hope Fate takes pity on mother and son, and turn things for the better. i suppose it already has, and thats good news. on an unrelated note, im extremely proud of my sister! this is her second long stay in a foreign land alone and she is learning much, doing well. tianjin isnt exactly the most cosmopolitan of cities, so i think it takes a great deal of maturity to live and learn in that environment, cut off from all the comforting familiarities of home. makes me ponder about going overseas to study. do we really want it? now that the option of studying either in US or UK is a real one, i am beginning to revisit some of our most deeply-held assumptions about the greener pastures out there, in the land of the stars and the stripes or the empire on which the sun never sets. i guess all i want to ensure is that im not just doing it for superficial reasons, and i think that entails some honest examination of our motivations. so i shall.
i was looking at some facebook photos and boy oh boy, the memories come knocking on the door quite vividly. photographs are quite precious things, i believe. esp those with people who used to matter, but have since exited your life or faded in importance, either because Fate ordained so, or that both sides just stop making time for each other and newer people came on board. it is pretty scary to reflect on how some bonds, once so cherished, can just unravel with the passage of time. or perhaps, they weren't strong bonds to begin with. merely fun and games, for hanging out and for getting the job done (the reference to work-related friendships is explicit, in case you dont quite get it). it is sad, but i think young kids like myself must learn not to see such developments as indicative of life in general and not view events as such through purely, consistently emotional lens. just accept it as a indubitible fact of life and not make too much out of it. so i shall.
i hate the feeling that at the end of it all, we are just purely statistics, part of a larger game, equation or strategy abstracted in someone's minds up there, somewhere. perhaps all this observations and emotional deficiencies lend credence to what Voltaire darkly said: "If God did not exist, it would be necessary to create him". so we shall!
okay i've an interview tmr at dhoby ghaut (no prize for the right guess) so i shall tuck in now. not making it for the ocs open house, as it were, was quite sad cause i really wanted to go and see many of the boys i've not met for a while. sorry bezzy!! but yeah, im quite excited about the coming weekend, and i think i have good reasons why :)
goodnight, and goodluck!
